AP Photo

What a shower. What a farce. If you wanted final proof of Labour's incompetence, here it is. They can't even organise a decent political assassination.

The past few days have reminded me of the climactic scenes of one of those Pink Panther films, when the world's supposedly most ruthless killers are converging on their target, and their mission is Kill Clouseau! or in this case, Kill Gordon! Each has his or her signature weapon, and each manages to bog it up. With an unexpected yell, Purnell springs from the stationery cupboard at the Department of Work and Pensions – and his rubber dagger spangs harmlessly aside.

Then Caroline Flint closes in for what is meant to be the terminal embrace, armed with the spiked attack bra of the scorned Labour women – only to find...