What a shower. What a farce. If you wanted final proof of Labour's incompetence, here it is. They can't even organise a decent political assassination.
The past few days have reminded me of the climactic scenes of one of those Pink Panther films, when the world's supposedly most ruthless killers are converging on their target, and their mission is Kill Clouseau! or in this case, Kill Gordon! Each has his or her signature weapon, and each manages to bog it up. With an unexpected yell, Purnell springs from the stationery cupboard at the Department of Work and Pensions – and his rubber dagger spangs harmlessly aside.
Then Caroline Flint closes in for what is meant to be the terminal embrace, armed with the spiked attack bra of the scorned Labour women – only to find herself denounced by Labour women themselves.
Barry Sheerman, Charlie Falconer, Hazel Blears: one by one they let off their guns or bombs or petards, and through the smoke and the cordite Gordon Brown sails on with his Clouseau-like imperviousness, beaming his mysterious beam.
Not since the CIA sent an exploding cigar to Fidel Castro has there been such ineptitude. It is as though there has been a terrific scuffle on the steps of the Capitol, at the end of which we see Brutus, Cassius, Casca and the rest all lying dead from self-inflicted wounds, and Caesar still chuntering on about his Presbyterian vah-lues and why he is the man to lead Rome through the economic crisis.
What is going on? It was only a few weeks ago that Hattie Harman was heard to be boasting (heaven help us all) that "this is my time"; and the other day we were assured that my distant cousin Alan Johnson, the genial postman, was about to shove a P45 right through Gordon's letterbox.
You might have thought that Labour backbenchers would be flocking to their cause. Gordon Brown's Labour Party has received a colossal drubbing, both in the council elections and for the Euro-parliament. The Guardian – yes, the Guardian newspaper that has urged the people of this country to vote Labour for 60 solid years – is in open and contemptuous revolt, and may even endorse David Cameron unless there is a change in No 10.
All Labour MPs read the Guardian. They swear by it. So what's wrong with them? Do they want a new leader or not? Across the world, people are looking at Britain in a state of befuddlement, and the markets can't work it out either. That is because they fail to understand the dominant emotion in the minds of MPs. It's not the despair that is the problem. It is the hope. With one part of their brains, the objective and rational part, Labour MPs despair of Gordon Brown. They recognise that he is leading his party to something like annihilation at the next election.
They know that no party leader can realistically recover from the blows he has sustained over the past few weeks, and they know that if Gordon remains in office, his last months will be a story of more or less continuing insurrection.
They understand that he may survive in the technical sense, but they also understand that he may increasingly resemble the knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail – sans arms, sans legs, sans head, but still chirruping the kind of nonsensical defiance we heard last week.
They accept the lessons of history, that even if there is an economic recovery by May next year, it is highly unlikely that Gordon Brown will be the beneficiary. They accept there is something ludicrous in the idea of a Labour government being so visibly bubblegummed together by Peter Mandelson, the new "First Secretary of State", and they are aware of the absurdity that the People's Party should be so reliant on Cabinet members from the House of Lords. They know that the best thing would be to find Gordon a job with the IMF, and get someone else to take on the Conservatives.
And yet they also know that this would mean an early general election, and that is where they panic. When they get to that point in the logic they abandon reason, and succumb to the virus of hope. Something could still turn up, they say to themselves. Gordon might yet get a grip, and the public might yet come round to him. Who knows, they say to themselves: maybe Peter Mandelson is right. Maybe the British electorate really will want to stick with gurning old Gordon, and maybe by May next year his very powers of survival will have given him a Clouseau-like charisma and popularity.
They know it is tripe, of course, but then they have a very good reason for entertaining such hopes. They know that if they wait till the end, all of them will have another full year's worth of salary, expenses and pension; whereas if they have an election now, the chances are that quite a few will lose their seats prematurely.
So that is the trade-off. They would rather run the risk of a complete rout in a year's time and rake in another year of certain dosh than have an early election in which a smaller number of MPs would lose their seats and entitlements.
It is, in other words, a calculation all about money, and that is not good enough. Surely Labour MPs have grasped the essential message of the expenses scandal – that the public is utterly fed up with politicians who seem to be actuated by their financial circumstances.
Now is the moment for all the guilty men and women who claimed for plasma TVs and bath plugs and Peperamis to show that they are willing to put the interests of the country first, jettison Gordon, and have an election. To persist with Gordon is an admission that the cause is lost, and that the best bet is for the maximum number of Labour MPs to hang on to their seats and their dosh for as long as possible. That would be disgraceful. If Labour backbenchers want to remove such suspicions, their only choice is to revolt. Will they? Don't hold your breath.
Comments: 91
As my aunt said of my elderly uncle as we watched his life slowly ebbing away on his deathbed "I just wish the stubborn old blighter would just hurry up and go, all this waiting around is killing me!"
All, sadly true, Boris. Despite other comments below, I think your idea of sending Brown to the IMF has some merit. Compared with ALL other MP's of all parties, Gordon has proved he can come up with fiscal plans and strategies, and put them into practise around the world - so he can't be all that daft ( just wrong ). MP's have always put their own interests above that of the country - except for those legitimate hereditory Peers ( now largely removed by the corrupt lower house ). But - there is a very real and pressing problem to starting a new General Election. Excepting a small handful of better respected MP's, just who the hell can the electorate vote FOR ? I bet you could not assemble a combined party Parliamentary "quorum" from those lesser-tarnished ( not exactly 'trustworthy', but better than the 'average' Member of the Parliament). And we all thought that corruption on this scale was restricted to the Third World - NOW we know ! So, Boris - if the LibLabCon cannot be trusted with our country, who can ? I think perhaps yourself and Nigel Farage could be a starting point, along with people like Dan Hannan who has also spotted the corruption spreading in from the EU. But anyone called Kynnoch or Mandelson - forget it !!!! "Pro bono publico - probitas laudatur et alget !" The time has come to bring her ( honesty ) back into the fold. In the absence of all media comment - a BIG "WELL-DONE !" to the UK Independence Party in advancing the cause of "Saving Britain from the Rogues !"
Sorry, but all this talk of Labour, Brown, BNP, IMF etc is all interesting, but who cares about 7000 jobs = 7000 families about to lose their livelyhoods via the administration of LDV?
Doris - Tell us about your involvement with the treasonous 'Common Purpose' organisation.
You are wrong Boris the IMF would not give Gordan a job they have told him to contact Robert Mugabwe as he needs some help.
Cameron should call for a no confidence vote in the Commons. There should be enough Labour abstentions to get it carried. Problem solved - Gordon constitutionally must request the Queen for a general election.
You have got it exactly right. It is about one more years money. All professional politicans care about is power and money. They know the power is gone. All they have left is the money.
With a new labour leader, there would not necessarily be a new election, although democratic principle might dictate one. If any new leader had a likely honeymoon period, many in Labour would actually prefer an earlier election before the novelty of ther new incumbent worse off. The Conservatives would also cease to clamour for one, despite the democratic principle involved.
talking of expenses boris , have you used the publics mnoey to show your own grief in by a reef for remebrance sunday lately,even if all labour m.ps read the guardian and i don't think they do, not all tories read your column
A good dig as usaul Boris. But please not the IMF. He has helped cause quite enough eco-disasters already. I am still pondering how a minor party (8% in the populous South of the country) is still allowed to hang on to power. The mandate must surely have evaporated into thin air.
Tony Re: Anyone up for a march on Downing Street to demand a General election? What difference will it make? We are tied into an electoral system that leaves us with no (??) choice but to vent our anger by writing these letters. Sign as many petitions as are out there, Gordy can only be removed by his weasels or the Queen. Not sure of the protocol she has to follow. Can someone enlighten us about the possibilities before I dress-up for the march to no-where?
GB would rather face the humiliation of residents of UKplc then give up his job. He would sacrifice UKplc but will not sacrifice LABOUR PARTY. We now have a Cabinet which is following GB, not interested in listening to people of UKplc, but ensuring they earn every penny before they are thrown out of office. People of UKplc have already given their verdict (Labour and Nulab is finished), yet this government is not interested in listening to them at all, WHY? What has happended to the virtues of Honesty, Truth, Integrity, Morallity, Respect and Righteousness.? You cannot be serious, how can one expect such words to be in the dictionary, how about EXPENSES, FRAUD, FLIPPING, now these are sensible words. We have already had a good amount of sleazegate, yatchgate, downinggate, expensegate and now we have to face electiongate. (Opps forgot we had that 2 year ago as well). What we now need is RESIGNGATE The rest of the world must be laughing at UK and are probably wondering what is the difference between UK�s current administration and that of Zimbabwe?
lets face it gordon brown is more interested in saving is own skin than anything else,brown as only on agenda to take britain into the euro currency and a federal europe,we have thousands of people losing their jobs each week less tax coming into the economy because people are losing their jobs,and we have brown and his gov using the petrol and diesel as a stealth tax to replace the taxes he his losing and not forgetting energy prices as well.
The question of the referendum on the Lisbon Treaty has been raised by many and I spy danger for Cameron. Gordon Brown could be gone by tomorrow and a new leader/Prime minister may decide that he has heard the electorate and will offer a referendum on the treaty, if that happened I think all bets are off, Labour would certainly claw back some of their lost votes from BNP and UKIP making Camerons task all the harder. Cameron should remember that Labour came second promising the referendum at the last election, he should guarantee the people that he will hold the referendum come what may now or he could find himself on the back foot.
Hanging on hoping something will turn up - government by the Micawber Principle.
The spectacle of a non elected Prime Minister with a non elected side-kick surrounded by a largely non elected 'cabinet', clinging to power with the support of a bunch of MPs who have hitherto liked to take the high moral ground, is unedifying. They must have decided that their support has reached rock bottom, and they have nothing to lose. I wonder if they are right. They are so deep in denial they will become unable to communicate effectively, or interact with normal people. The only one of them talking any sense at all is Kate Hoey. Good luck to her.
I said this months ago and the telegraph if they check thier recors either in the blogs or comments ,that Blair and new labour have written themselves into oblivion,because of policies.they are all collectively as guity as thier leader ,they have supported these policies ,changeing the leader ,dosnt change anything,it is policies that are what people vote against.
Oliver Cromwell's Speech on the Dissolution of the Long Parliament Given to the House of Commons 20 April 1653 It is high time for me to put an end to your sitting in this place, which you have dishonoured by your contempt of all virtue, and defiled by your practice of every vice; ye are a factious crew, and enemies to all good government; ye are a pack of mercenary wretches, and would like Esau sell your country for a mess of pottage, and like Judas betray your God for a few pieces of money. Is there a single virtue now remaining amongst you? Is there one vice you do not possess? Ye have no more religion than my horse; gold is your God; which of you have not barter'd your conscience for bribes? Is there a man amongst you that has the least care for the good of the Commonwealth? Ye sordid prostitutes have you not defil'd this sacred place, and turn'd the Lord's temple into a den of thieves, by your immoral principles and wicked practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd, are yourselves gone! So! Take away that shining bauble there, and lock up the doors. In the name of God, go! It would seem that not a lot has changed over the years then!!!!
� Anyone up for a march on Downing Street to demand a General election? Tony on June 08, 2009 at 11:06 AM Don't do it Tony...They've already got that one covered. They'll invoke the 'Civil Contingencies Act' and suspend elections.
David Flanaghan - no, you are not the only one. Given the implosion of Labour, the Conservatives should have been well above 40% last night. To win, the Conservatives need to produce a scintillating manifesto and run a flawless election campaign. It doesn't really matter much what Labour does at this point. The mere sight of Harman, Mandelson, Brown et al. is enough to make any sane citizen reach for the mute button by now. Less sane citizens may reach for pitchforks. But electoral habits die hard, and only twice since the war has there been a 7% swing. 1945, when the world was new and perfectible, and 1997, when the Conservatives were in meltdown and Blair had put together a convincing, albeit empty and dishonest, manifesto. The Conservatives need to do three things: (1) Embrace the "green industrial revolution" idea and sell it hard. (2) Stop faffing about and promise a vote, even a retrospective vote, on Lisbon. (3) Keep working on the ground in the marginals, especially in the Midlands. The West Midlands was where Thatcher won in 1979 and where Major lost in 1997.
Have n't you heard "A spoon full of Sugar helps the Ministers go Brown" he will stay in power....
Having read through the comments here and after watching the TV into the small hours last night, I have come to a decision. At the next General Election I am going to vote UKIP instead of onservative. At least I know that they are committed to a referendum on Europe. After all the dissembling on this issue, I no longer trust the Tories. Forget moats and duck-houses; Europe is the real issue and if Cameron won't come clean and unequivoval on this, how can I trust him on anything else?
The simple truth is : If these MPs collectively revolt and, surely, a new leader ushers in, there has to be an immediate General Election. 9 out of 10 of these unemployable will lose their only job they can get.
Am I the only one who thinks the general election will prove much harder to win than people here think. If Brown manages to stay on and the economy recovers (which it will in spite of what the govt is doing) then helped by his friends in the BBC I can see them having a succesful campaign. Gordon brown saved the day those nasty tories cutting spending etc etc etc .
Boris for once I have read your article and not squirmed. Well done. I agree with your thoughts entirely. You still need to do more for London though!!
You could not make this stuff up. A Labour cabinet full of peers: a Business Czar whose slogan is "you're fired!", the former EU Kommissar for Porky Pies, and a former leader's wife (a woman so venal in her pursit of expenses during her time as a Euro MP, it would make Cherie Blair blush). Even mad Emperor Caligula thought promoting one horse was enough. We can only pray that the New Iraqi Army will invade us and restore democracy.
The best thing the "black knight" Brown could do is go back to Obama beach wade in and vanish forthwith.
Dear Boris After the way you up-ended Sir Iain Blair , so quickly and effectively , you are well qualified to write this piece. The truth is that the rats are abandoning the sinking ship , but Brown , like the captain of the rapidly sinking Titanic , is in total denial. I have seen this behaviour in my past business life : investment managers refusing to change their strategies when things go pear-shaped , hopelessly hoping that they will be vindicated , whilst investors and pensioners watch their capital vanish. The whole country would admire Brown if he went on national TV , admitted he couldn�t hack it , apologised and handed over to Vince Cable as Emergency PM. Or Sir Alan Sucre. And Lord Mandlefoy is like Beelzebub , advising Brown as the UK implodes.Whispering and flattering in his ears whilst positioning himself as Saviour Alan Johnson ? You�re avin a big larf , aren�t you ? How about the cashier at Natwest in Covent Garden ? Or that woman serving the coffee in Costa? We need HONESTY. We need LEADERSHIP. We need COURAGE. We need ......Prince Charles and Vince Cable ! If politicians tell us they can�t handle it we will understand . What we cannot tolerate is this arrogant patronising . GET OUT NOW, MR BROWN, AND CALL A GENERAL ELECTION ! Most people wont vote anyway if there�s anything good on TV that evening.....
Boris, You can sum up your analysis with the simple statement: Turkeys do not vote for Christmas. Gordon will lead for another year - during which we will get more and more angry. When we finally do get a General Election I think British politics will become very, very interesting.
Gordon's delusion is obviously catching. Hattie Harmon says, the reason the BNP won Euro seats, was because the electorate are unhappy with the expenses scandal in Westminster. She, like so many of Labour's seniors, is missing the point. The BNP were elected in Labour heartlands that are overpopulated with newcomers from all parts of the globe. I suspect if the canvassers were allowed to tell the truth they would reveal the real reason the BNP got in. This is a tragedy for all of us, but is entirely due to the abandonment of border control by Labour, it is labours policies that have elected the BNP.
The knight in Holy Grail or even the faculty-losing character of Cat Stevens' (as he was) Moonshadow down to "Yes if I ever lose my mouth, oh if.... I wont have to talk..." by the end. The dreadful irony of greed is what we have before us. Brown does not want to go but is worse than useless. Labour MPs who can expect to be claiming the dole after the next election don't want to go either - not for another year anyway. The Great Lie is that of Rumba of Rio. Getting rid of Brown is not the end. They have a year to try and claw something back under a new Leader. They would be mad not to try - and to send off much of the responsibility for the local and EU election debacle into the wilderness with Gordon. Rabbits paralysed in car headlights, lemmings poised on the cliff edge, the Parliamentary Labour Party is mesmerised by the snake, the First Amongst Cabinet Equals - unelected Rumba of Rio - the same old Mr Fixit as before. They should be ashamed to even be thinking of dancing to his tune, all of them. The right thing is to go to the country, preferably with a change of leader bedded down beforehand. Labour need to decide what it is they (honestly, for a change) - but frankly I think the Party�s over. I doubt it will be now, with a change, perhaps before the end of the year - anything else is just cynical snouts-in-the-trough greed. 080609-11:37
Well put Boris, I have said the same myself that there is nobody in this pitiful party that has the guts to do what has to be done to rid us of this termite of a leader, all they care about is keeping the money coming into their pockets. They dont give a toss about what the electotate want or need there all Morally bancrupt and Honour is an alian word to them, as for Harriet Harman who we all know puts personal power before anything, I have some advice she should heed, come an election we the voters will hold her to account if she continues to ignore our wishes and she will never hold office again.
I worry about something a bit more 'in my face' right now Boris. During one of the last Labour 'love-ins' when important thinks were discussed like "I don't want that job - I want this one - don't like the wallpaper in that office - Does my bum look big in this and all the other vital matters our government cannot get their heads around.. The rest of the world looked at it 'cringed' and ignored our currency to the extent that it lost five points in a day. The logic is that whenever this crowd have a "Discussion" and it's as puerile as the ones we hear of right now - our money won't be worth even thinking about and never mind the Icelandic banks. And to think that all this might just be because our venerable MPs are playing for maximisation of the final pay settlement when given the "Bums rush" they might consider that it won't be worth collecting the way they are going on. Because of all this crap - we really are not being governed at the moment. That is serious Boris - more serious that discovery that they are little more than a bunch of craven money grubbers. I am an elderly person - always interested in how my country does. I have never in my life ever seen such awful circumstances - and caused by this crowd. Be-it Labour, Tory, or what is insignificant right now. What I see is that we have got to a situation which the people of this country seem unable to do a thing about...Is it really so that we must sit, and watch this absolute sub-mental farce grind on with the population of this country being totally ignored - until they finish throwing toys out of their prams - phones against the wall or whatever happens to turn them on?
Boris, you must know we cannot take you seriously anymore. Ever since you told Richard Barnbrook at one of your mayoral questions and answers sessions: "I don't answer BNP questions". Pathetic.
Boris Johnson flapping around for all to see with other pond life. The conservatives did poorly. Inspite of Labours difficulties no real increase in their vote.Why? because their snouts are in the trough just as deeply as Labour's. The country needs a fixed term government. No more running to the country when things look good. Major held on for the full 5 years in 1992 & 1997. If this were to be the case we would have another year to run. Let the people get their thoughts together, let new clean politicians emerge then lets make a choice next year.
As I have said before the PR list system of elections is tailormade to ensure the continued supremacy of the unelected Euro bureaucrats.Viewing the results there is hardly any change of seats won or lost.The fact that Labour in Wales had their worst result since 1918 made no difference.The only consolation is that A.Bevan will be doing loop the loop in his grave.Meanwhile, Brown &Co continue to tell the British public what they think how arrogant is that.
Can somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding of the Lisbon Treaty is that when it comes into effect then a Genral Election in the UK will be meaningless. Therefore if Brown hangs on till then you'll be stuck with these mendacious no-hpers indefinately? Could it be he is hanging on because he knows that he has nothing to fear from the electorate?
Well said, Boris. The venal troughing of the ZaNuLieBore dead-men walking is now obvious for all to see. Nobody believes the lies any more. The Emperor clearly has no clothes at all. We all know why these no-hopers are refusing to hold an election, and that knowledge will obviously make their eventual destruction at the vengeful hands of the electorate even more certain and dramatic. Let's watch them squirm! They all now know they can bin McRuin, have an election and lose heavily. Or they can keep McClown, keep their snouts in the trough for another year, and then face total extermination in an election - following which the PLP will be able to hold meetings in a telephone box. The agony of choice!
Anyone up for a march on Downing Street to demand a General election?
Read Full Article »